turning poison into medicine

it was my turn to lead discussion sunday morning after our meditation group sit. i chose a short reading from pema chodron about non-aggression and using the difficulties in each day as part of the path. this is something i still really struggle with. my first reaction when i realize that i’m caught up in some story or fantasy is to be critical of myself, to use my awareness of it as an opportunity to criticize further. i’ll say, “there you go again…” or “why am i always caught up in some daydream?”. in that way i’ve turned my practice of insight into just another form of aggression against myself.

the reading i chose today was a reminder to myself to instead receive each insight and perceive each moment as a potential gift: further understanding of and insight into how my own human mind operates. if i’m having some angry, hateful thought then so be it. that’s just an opportunity to see a little more clearly how my mind works and how those kinds of thoughts come up and then pass on.

and those thoughts then also make it easier for me to be compassionate and feel kinship with every other human who gets angry and hateful. i can remember that i’m just as human and relate to the angry feelings that other people have. Or when i encounter an angry or hateful person instead of shutting down with my own criticism of them i can remember my own moments of anger and hate and feel true compassion for the situation that they’re in.

softening

yesterday i flew home from visiting family, and had an unusual experience. it started as fairly common, the person in the seat in front of me moved so a young father could have two seats next to each other for his young daughter to be next to him.

but the little girl was upset, and she didn’t want to leave her father’s lap. when the flight attendants demanded that she strap the little girl in for takeoff and landing though, he wouldn’t comply at first. he kept asking why and trying half heartedly. When confronted with an ultimatum of strap her in or they take the plane back to the gate, he really tried and boy did she wail and scream. it sounded like pure torture for the little girl to be in her own seat and restrained. but it didn’t work, or he wouldn’t strap her in tight enough to keep her in her seat. so we went back to the gate. (To read more about this sad story, click the “more” link)
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