i missed this indie film when it came to san francisco called cave of the yellow dog about a mongolian nomadic family. (thanks, lisa for mentioning it)
this trailer brings up my most important personal fear - of not making good use of my life. buddhists may believe in reincarnation, but they also believe that being reborn as a human is quite unusual. it’s said being born as a human being is as rare as a sea turtle surfacing for air, and surfacing in the middle of a single hoop floating on the surface of the vast ocean. therefore, make good use of the time you have. make good use of your good mind and good situation. do something meaningful.
and this trailer also brings up my recent love of puppies.
two years ago i completed a series of seminary programs in tibetan buddhism and last year i helped teach a month long portion. friend alex just attended one of those and wrote a wonderful summary of his experience with pictures of the beautiful retreat center.
over the last few weeks, i’ve been trying to notice more and more the subtle, unnamed fears that i live with every day. clearly my fears could be called bourgeoisie suffering. i’m not concerned with my next meal, with finding a safe place to sleep, or whether an illness will be fatal or permanently debilitating. my life is comfortable and relatively secure, in spite of the vagarities of life. so some examples were:
parking in the city, will i return in time or find yet another parking ticket
being followed by a policeman while driving. i didn’t do anything wrong, did i? i work near a police station, so this happens to me often. i’ve never been pulled over in the city, but it’s common for me to have a patrol car behind me.
do the plants in my office need water? when was the last time i watered them?
are my savings in the best portfolio mixture?
are my friends relationships going ok? are they on the verge of divorce or under stress? is there anything i can do?
some concerns were more meaty, like:
will freelancing continue to work for me? will i find it difficult in the long term to find contract projects? so far it hasn’t been a problem, but perhaps times are simply good now.
will any of my own projects come to fruition and have traction? or will they simply flounder? if i accept funding for those projects, will i let my investors down?
how long will my parents and relatives stay healthy? how much time do i have with them?
there are a so many thoughts like this that can arise in a given day. a cavalcade of small thoughts. do they add up? most are non specific, not based on a reasonable threat but more a vague possibility or concern. therefore, they can linger easily and without resolve. i can chose to ignore things, push away the concerns as irrelevant, but i think they arise more because of a background need for control, stability, certainty which upon inspection doesn’t really exist in the world. i can try to fabricate stability, but i really don’t know what will happen this week or next, if someone will fall ill, or change will occur suddenly. so that vague threat really is there in some sense, and a general anxiety is not without basis.
i wonder sometimes if conscious thoughts like these are a systemic way conscious mind can influence unconscious processes. that there isn’t a direct link in the mind, that different aspects must find ways to influence the others. so to create motivation, enthusiasm, control over other processes in the mind the conscious parts dream, linger on thoughts, repeat them over and over and create excitement, anxiety, sadness in that way. like our mind is really a collection of interdependent but only loosely coupled components and these streams of thoughts we experience are part of that loose interdependence. so then anxiety would be a way one part of the system influences and controls another, serving that purpose. but what an unfortunate side effect - to live in worry or concern as our resulting experience. but is it all really necessary? does the conscious mind really need to control the unconscious in such a course and painful way?
monkey see, monkey do serves as a personal blog and creative outlet for